All you need to know about being a dominatrix

dominatrix black woman

Dominatrix is a role in BDSM between consensual adults that involves dominance, discipline, and submission. In such a position, the female is dominant, and the practice is not limited to any gender. Sexual orientation is unique to different individuals, and most people are open to practicing erotic activities that can satisfy them. It is a form of sexual identification and practice for people who belong to the BDSM community. 

They can inflict pain or use verbal humiliation to stimulate their partner. The submissive can also derive pleasure from servitude, where doing house chores or errands for sexual favors gives satisfaction. A dominatrix role featured in the TV series Euphoria, where Kat Hernandez (played by Barbie Ferreira) used erotic humiliation to help men get through their sexual desires in exchange for money. The show received some backlash from portraying such BDSM roles and childhood trauma links.

However, being a dominatrix is much more than the mainstream media shows. The practice is so discreet you might even think it is done only in an underground dungeon! This article will answer questions such as who a dominatrix is, why people practice it, safe ways to practice it, and some cool dominatrix outfits ideas you can try.  

What is a Dominatrix?

A dominatrix is the feminine description of dominant (A Ruler) used in a non-sexual context. However, it is also a form of sexual orientation where a woman uses a sadomasochistic approach to dominate a submissive partner. They explore an area of sexual kink and BDSM (slogan for sexual activities that include Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism).

Such relationships work on an unequal distribution of power, and the female is in charge of the scenes. A simple definition states that a Dominatrix is a female who uses psychological or physical activities to dominate her partner and derives pleasure from inflicting pain in such encounters. 

Other people also describe dominatrix practice with terms such as Femdom (female dominance) or dominant mistress/mistress. However, women try to avoid some of these aliases. For example, the word mistress can easily associate with women who cheat on their partner or have affairs. This negative attachment is unwanted when a woman is dominant since moral conduct is one of the bedrock of such BDSM roles.

Most of the activities practiced in the ‘dungeons’ are relatable in real-life. Most dominatrices can live a rich life and form good relationships outside the lifestyle. Such women tend to approach life being more intentional, with genuine desires.

Madonna in a dominatrix outfit - Curvy Girl Journal
Madonna in a dominatrix outfit. Source: Breatheheav

Forms of Dominatrix Practice 

There are two forms of being a Dominatrix because while some people do it for the money, others practice it as a lifestyle

– Professional Dominatrix

A professional will only practice being a dominatrix in a particular context for the money. They are known for specific kinks and skills in the dungeon, for which men with such needs seek out their services. A constructed ambiance and identity appeal to being dominated, and most dominatrices maintain such standards. 

This practice, described as Pro-domme (domme), is a term from a Psuedo-French slang Dom a short form of dominant. Women who are into such professional scenes can choose to go by the time. In the wake of this digital era, some women  even carry out such activities remotely and share with their clients via online platforms. OnlyFans is one website where you can monetize this practice today. 

– Lifestyle Dominatrix

It becomes a lifestyle when a dominatrix moves beyond the room and shadows. Such females may have willing submissive that are at their sexual mercy at any time. It usually does not involve money transactions for their services. They can also partake in paid services but enjoy such activities just for leisure. The term dominatrix is often associated with women that practice it as a lifestyle. 

dominatrix in the dungeon
source: DominaLaine-thefestishblog

History

The practice of being a dominatrix has been around for a long time and featured in movies and novels in the 1880s, but its oldest citing dates to ancient Macedonia with Goddess Inanna. She is depicted as a sexual woman who uses dominant activities to make men submit to her. Based on hymns dedicated to the goddess, her rituals involved giving pain/punishment that brought ecstasy and moaning.

The story from the 12th century is where Phyllis, a dominant female, used seduction and knowledge to bring Aristotle to his knees. After subduing him, the great philosopher gets forced to the ground, and Phyllis whips and humiliates Aristotle verbally while riding on his back.  

The different craft we know today as professional dominatrix emanated from brothels. With time “House of Discipline” was used to differentiate the specialization from regular brothel services. In contrast, some books recorded schools where flogging activities were practiced (1674-1702). In the 18th century, female “Birch Disciplinarians” advertised services in a book disguised as a collection of lectures titled “Fashionable Lectures.” It featured women who kept a room with tails and rods and charged customers for the class.

When the 19th century rolled in, there were established dominatrix governesses who practiced openly during the age of governesses. One of the most famous is Theresa Berkley, who found herself in central London, with records of using whips, and birches to discipline her male clients. She also had a unique flogging machine that suspended the male off the ground to receive punishment—this technique correlated with some dominatrices who use the suspension practices in the modern-day.

As a role in BDSM, Dominatrix practices were done low-key, and by the mid-20th century, it became hard to track their records. However, pictures of the dominatrices got spotted by historians during this timeline from several major cities around the world. 

What services does a Dominatrix perform?

Dominatrices perform a variety of services that are sexual but do not have to involve sex. The role-play can take several forms, such as torture(body/cock), spanking, erotic verbal humiliation, bondage, sensory deprivation, slave training, impact play, and other suiting requests. However, these services do not tally with escorts or prostitution who practice bondage and tease.

Most dominatrices prevent their clients from touching them to create a boundary and will likely be clothed, hence, their costumes. A professional dominatrix might also use financial domination to control their submissive. The male clients derive pleasure from buying things for the Dom, sending her money, or giving complete control of their life to the Dominatrix. Another niche to explore is giving psychological perception for their client’s fetishes and sexual needs. 

The practice of challenging BDSM activities, such as head scissoring, corporal punishment, and suspension bondage torture, is a highly paid niche. Such actions need highly professional training, knowledge, and proficiency to execute them.

If you are new to discovering your dominatrix, abilities, it is best to stick with the basic role-play activities. You can upgrade to complex actions after studying and probably getting a degree or professional skills training on areas of interest.

Related article: These 8 sex secrets will set your bed on fire.


Who needs the services of a ProDomme?

People from all works of life can visit a dominatrix for any services that will suit their desires. The sessions are usually pricey, so, they tend to get the middle class to high-class individuals that can afford it. A person seeking to experiment, explore their fantasies, or improve their sexual orientation can book a session with a dominatrix. Others are naturally submissive and require such role-play to connect with their sexual desires. The dominatrix may help the client choose fair play after a consultation. 

Practicing a safe Dominatrix session

As a dominatrix, one thing you must do is to ensure that a client is a right fit for your skillset. It is best to pass them up to a more suited Domme if they are not. When you get a suitable client, either physically or online, agree on the date, place, and time. Physical sessions can take place in a hotel room, or rented dungeon, or even going to the client’s home if you are sure of your safety.

The first few minutes should be spent talking, breaking the ice, and getting comfortable for both parties. This will help the dominatrix learn any other issues that might affect the client’s pleasure. When the session begins, only carry out requested activities, which can be sexual. For newbies, it is always best to start slow and ease into other intricate activities. A professional dominatrix always listens for safe words when things become too intense.

After the session, you should check on your partner’s physical and emotional condition. It is more than wielding a whip and yelling commands, the bondage and torture are a part of the package, but it is more about connecting.

Related article: Anal Beads: Everything You Should Know Before Trying Them For The First Time.

catsuit latex
source: Reddit

How to dress like a Dominatrix

Dressing in leather bodysuits, catsuits, and latex rubber dresses only came about when dominatrices turned commercial instead of dressing in such clothing in the shadows. They are very chic with the right accessories and, of course, many types of leather boot pairing. In comparison, it is more common in cosplay, as a surge of power comes with rocking a dominatrix outfit. If you are a woman who practices such activities, you can always do with new outfit ideas below.

1. Choker inserts

Add a statement to your basic outfits with a choker insert; the intricate details pair well with a simple shirt. It gives a subtle edgy vibe to the look; you can wear it regularly. When shopping, opt for the designs with a ring, as such chokers have such features to help their Dom add a leash. Chokers are an accessory item associated with BDSM, but you can wear them in public as well.

2. Sheer pieces

Nothing screams sexier than flashing some skin; the job is easy with sheer numbers (see-through). Wear a form-fitting sheer dress or top for a session to give an authoritative element to the scene. You can always wear mesh clothing outside the dungeons with the proper layering.

3. Statement mini skirt outfit

Mini skirts are a daring piece to wear to cue in some sexiness. Find a faux leather miniskirt, add thigh-high boots, and a sexy top with accessories. If you decide to wear a chunky boot, add fishnet to look a sexy appeal. Be sure to coordinate the colors and accessories for a fail-proof outfit that will work anytime.

4. Leather pants

Leather pants are fashionable and can be worn for several occasions; they are also excellent for curating a dominatrix outfit. Pair with a matching top, or a crisp number, for a chic look you can wear around comfortably.

leather lingerie
source: Sexylingerieland

5. Underwear collection

A good dominatrix must always look the part, and most of the activities get carried out in the bedroom. An erotic ensemble starts from lingerie, and a sexy collection is vital to the aesthetics of being a Domme. A great way to start is investing in faux leather or vinyl lingerie. They will also look great with accessories in the dungeon.

For extra glam, you should maintain an assortment of fishnets, lace-up corsets for a feminine appeal. Incorporating all these into your daily wardrobe is possible as they elevate your outfits.

6. Accessories


Accessories are a significant way of updating a look, and dominatrices should always look the part. The cuffs are a staple piece in a dominatrix look, and most people that practice it can never get caught without one. Harnesses are another accessory to invest in; while they are very fashionable, they also double as a restraint. 

Leather or latex gloves are also great for finishing off dominatrix looks. Tall boots are the best shoe pairing for a vogue dominatrix look. You can choose between different heel inches or go for designs with platform soles so that you will be comfortable. For more edginess, you can maintain a collection of masks to infuse into scenes. These accessories can easily blend with all your jeans and dress outfits if you pair them appropriately.

Conclusion

Being a dominatrix can be a way of life or a profession, depending on what you are in it for. Regardless, it is important that their is consent from both parties and some ground rules as well. Engaging in fantasies does not give room to become really abusive and hurt others. Ensure that you and your partner(s) keep communicating on what is and what is not okay.

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Fanti Tukuwei
I'm a fashion, beauty, and lifestyle enthusiast, and the ultimate curves queen. Here, I share beauty, fashion, and lifestyle tips to teach, inspire, and give confidence to all women.