Every individual’s romantic life is quite different, so if you’re demiromantic, the signs will look different for you when compared to someone else. They are classified under the aromatic spectrum. Individuals that are aromantic do not have a sense of romantic attraction for anyone.
However, a demiromantic can be described as a person who only has romantic feelings after forming a strong emotional bond. The term is coined from two words; ‘demi’ meaning half and ‘romantic’, together it means ‘partly romantic’. It is a form of romantic orientation where someone does not develop a romantic attraction unless they have formed an emotional connection with someone. Such people do not actively seek attraction to others.
Demiromantics have been known to feel a romantic attraction after certain conditions made them form a strong emotional bond, irrespective of gender. Another term used to describe this set of people is ‘grey romantic’, which is someone who feels romantic attraction occasionally. Individuals that are demiromantic only get interested in romantic relationships after getting to know a person very well. To be more practical, if you’re demiromantic, then the traditional form of expressing romance does not appeal to you.
Concepts associated with demiromantics
Oftentimes, people need further explanations as to why strong bonds must be formed before a person can get romantically involved. This has led to a few protests, misconceptions, and theories about demiromanticism.
Primary versus secondary theory
This theory has been used for a long time to explain how attraction progresses. The primary attraction is the initial act of liking a person. According to this, when you first like someone, it may be like a crush accompanied by desire and sexual attraction. This may later form an emotional bond that will lead to secondary attraction.
An individual that identifies as demiromantic will experience secondary attraction first—this is the stage where people fall in love. Prior to that, they may have not experienced any form of primary attraction, according to this theory.
Religion and demiromantism
Being demiromantic is not a religious choice and should not be confused with the moral choice to wait for marriage before having sex. This is because demiromantic people can have sexual relationships with anyone even if they are not married. It definitely does not define how you should behave morally.
Do demiromantic people have normal relationships?
The normal approach everyone else takes to starting a relationship may not be the case for a demiromantic person. This does not mean that they are incapable of having a normal relationship.
Such people may not see the point of going on blind dates or may not be too keen on speed dating. They do enjoy romantic activities with people they are comfortable with. So yes, they can have normal relationships but these will be more fulfilling with someone they have bonded with.
Does being demisexual affect sex life?
The fact that a demiromantic person needs to form a connection before having a sexual attraction is not a yardstick stick to measure their sex life. On the other hand, it has led people to believe that demisexuals only have meaningful sex which is not always the case. Forming a bond doesn’t necessarily mean that they will fall in love. After forming a connection, the amount of sex they choose to have varies from high to low. This is solely dependent on the natural sex drive of that individual.
Signs you may be demiromantic
Do you meet people and don’t feel the need to go on dates with them? Maybe you’d rather just be friends. Then afterward, you start developing sexual attraction towards them. Here are signs you just might be demiromantic.
- You find it quite odd to have crushes on strangers or just casual acquaintances. To you, the romantic part of relationships is confusing.
- You try to put yourself out there, but the only time you have felt a romantic attraction was for a close or longtime friend.
- When you meet someone and the relationship tilts towards a sexual nature, you rather remain friends or establish friends with benefits kind of relationship because you feel the sex is not meaningful.
- You would rather be friends and try to get to know an individual than thinking of doing anything sexual with them. You find people who get romantically and sexually attracted to strangers a bit odd.
- There is always a bit of confusion on how relationships work as you have discovered that you rarely fall in love, and can only do that after you have developed a strong bond.
- You like the idea of love and having romantic relationships, but the thought of doing that with a stranger is just so odd to you.
Regardless of a person’s sexual orientation, real relationships require communication. People who identify as demiromantics may be perceived as not romantic or sexual enough. This is because they are often confused about their needs and always second-guess their worth in relationships. However, thanks to this guide, hopefully, you’re now more informed and can go into a new relationship with more awareness of yourself and your needs.